


Hers to Keep

by sophinisba



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: 1000-5000 Words, Backstory, Community: camelot_fleet, Gen, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-22
Updated: 2009-09-22
Packaged: 2017-10-05 20:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophinisba/pseuds/sophinisba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A made-up (not canon, not legendary) story about Morgana's mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hers to Keep

**Author's Note:**

> For themadlurker's prompt "Morgana, Gaius, hidden" at a camelot_fleet party. Thanks to claudia603 and slightlytookish for help figuring out how to write this.

She didn't tell anyone, just went about her job as well as she could. He certainly didn't pay any attention, didn't miss her when she stayed away.

When her mother noticed her dresses getting too tight she lent her one of her own, wider about the belly and hips.

She took to standing close to her mother or a friend, hiding behind doors and walls, and when that wasn't enough she put miles between them, ran off to stay with her cousin in the country, where anyone could see her belly swelling but nobody knew she who she was in Camelot, so no one bothered to guess who the father could be.

Sometimes, while she was feeding the chickens or preparing a meal, when she brought a hand to her aching back, she wondered what she'd say if Gorlois sent one of his servants to bring her back. Sometimes while she lay awake in the bed she shared with Mary, while she stroked herself and tried not to make noise, she wondered what she'd do if he came himself, if he knelt at her feet in Mary's garden and begged her to come back to him.

Of all the people to follow her there, to get her alone and to coax and cajole her until she didn't know what right or wrong or home was, she never expected the court physician or the sorceress.

"I have good news for you," Nimueh said, before she'd even asked any questions or made any demands. "My mistress too is with child."

"An heir at last," she murmured.

"Yes, and you could only add to her joy and the king's if you gave their child a companion to grow up with."

She nodded slowly, steadying herself with a hand behind her on the bed. This should not surprise her, and this would not defeat her. "A child is not a gift to give," she said, and her voice was as firm as she'd wished. "I will not give it up to the queen or to you."

"Do not speak to me as to a thief or a common witch." Nimueh's voice was suddenly cold. "I did not come here to steal your girl-child. I came because she is one of _us_, and I want the brightest future she can possibly have. Do you think you'll be able to give that to her here?"

She'd grown used to the little house, to the dust and the dogs and the tired air. She'd grown up in the country herself and had never felt ashamed, all the time she worked in Camelot, until she imagined looking around Mary's room through Nimueh's eyes. And when she looked at Gaius she her shame only grew. She sat up and brought her hands over her belly in a way she hadn't done since she'd come here. There was no question of hiding it now, but she still wanted to cover up as much as she could.

Nimueh looked at her with pity and reached for her hand. When they touched she gasped, because the Sight that hadn't bothered her in all the months since she'd left Camelot was back, and suddenly she could see nothing but a beautiful young woman, her dark hair swept up behind her, smiling confidently at all her noble admirers.

"It can't be," she said.

"She'll be a lady of the court, more honored than any of us."

"He didn't even know."

"And none of them need to know. Gaius and I will take care of everything. You don't even need to go back."

"But she's –"

"Not a gift to be given, but not a treasure to be hoarded either. Ask yourself, are you really thinking of what's best for daughter, or are you just being selfish?"

And that was like Nimueh, to know she'd wanted to say _she's mine_.

"They'll use her. They'll know she's like me and they'll –"

"They won't even know your name, child. They'll known nothing but what Gaius and I choose to tell them, and Gorlois never even knew what you are. Just think, she'll never be hungry."

There was nothing she could say back to that. She'd known hunger, as everyone in her village had. How could she deny her own daughter the kind of life could only dream of?

"Everyone will love her and take care of her," Nimueh continued, rubbing her neck, and with this touch she saw King Uther smiling fondly at a little girl and boy who were playing with wooden swords. "I'll be watching over her every day myself, and Camelot's court physician will be there to look after her health."

She stood up and walked, awkwardly to the other side of the room. At once she missed the vision and the soothing touch, but she needed to see with a clear eye and think with a clear head. She looked at the old man, who hadn't said a word the whole time. "I don't know what to do," she said, and her voice was not what she wanted it to be.

"Have you seen a doctor since you discovered the pregnancy?" He asked kindly.

"There is a midwife down the road. She's come to see me twice. She says everything is as it should be." She hesitated, then added, "She didn't know it was a girl though. I…I thought it might be, but we didn't know for sure."

He nodded. "I would not have been able to say so either. Midwives have their skills, Nimueh has hers, and I have mine. Your gift is for knowing the future, I see, but why don't we…put that aside for today? First I want to make sure you and the baby are healthy, and later on you can decide where she should grow up, and who else will know about her. Here, will you come back and lie down?

She was tired of standing anyway, and tired of arguing. She was tired of Nimueh's smug smile, so she looked at Gaius instead and told herself she could trust him.

A girl, a beautiful baby girl who would be happy as a princess. And she didn't have to decide just yet.

"All right," she said, and went back to the bed.

* * *

At first she thought it was a sickness, and then her physician told her it was, but she'd stopped seeing it that was some time ago.

It was growing, getting stronger by the day, and some part of Morgana was bursting with pride, wanted to show it off for everyone to see.

_This is me, and this is more than me, and we are more than all of you. _

But she also understood that these people, these small-minded people who'd cared for her all her life, did not really care for _her_. They might think they did, might bring her flowers and hugs and sleeping draughts, might even think they loved her. But they didn't quite trust her, she was coming to understand, and they couldn't be trusted, not with something this precious, something this _hers_.

The next time Gaius asked about her dreams, she said she couldn't remember (even though the woman's face was as clear in her mind as the old man's was in front of her). He frowned but didn't press the matter. The time after that, she made up a story about a unicorn, then something about a frog. Nonsense seemed to work better than nothing.

She wanted to tell Gwen the truth, she thought about telling Merlin, but for all her visions she couldn't tell for sure how that was go. For now, she thought, the safest thing was to keep it to herself.

She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to decide just yet. But there was one thing she knew for sure: no one would take this magic from her.


End file.
